the good with the bad
Jun. 27th, 2021 12:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ruicoahh.. so i got a new job. i'm starting next week!
it's pretty exciting, i think it'll be very fun! but naturally, i'm also absolutely terrified of starting and not being able to live up to their requirements.
i lost my last job because of depression, at the end it got so bad i would just go to sleep and unconsciously do everything wrong, even the stuff i knew how to do right. i hated it, it was like the definition of sisyphean, same kind of work every day with nothing to show for it that made me feel like what i did mattered.
so, yeah, i had many reasons to hate the old job, which is what i'm telling myself as a reminder that the new one will be different.
another part of me, though, is terrified that i'm just unable to hold a full time job. i got through uni just fine, because i never had trouble learning or picking stuff up fast, even when i hadn't studied at all, but problem is i was lucky enough to be able to not study and still do well on exams, and for jobs you have to work those XX hours a week, and i'm scared that it'll drain me and i'll end up screwing up again.
on the other side, new job means i'll be able to afford things i haven't in a while. i wanted to get an ipad, and i should start saving up for a new place too, since my contract ends at the end of the year, and i want to live closer to the city. another good thing is also that it's actually only a 1 year contract for now, meaning that if it isn't my thing, i won't have to continue after, and i'll have a good reason for only being there for that little when i apply for new jobs.
also there's a lot of different tasks, so i can try out lots of things and find out what i do want to work with as well.
right now i'm terrified, but writing things out, i believe there's definitely more positives than negatives. i also think, since i have become such a homebody, that it's really good that i have to leave my home more again now. and hopefully i'll get better at prioritising in my free time and do the things i really love.
ah.. regarding idk.. fannish life? i've been taking a break from my main fandom since it was making me upset and frustrated, and i've been enjoying myself just reading webtoons! i found one i really really like and others i enjoyed a lot as well! i might make some rec lists, i think that'd be fun considering how many i've read now haha
it's pretty exciting, i think it'll be very fun! but naturally, i'm also absolutely terrified of starting and not being able to live up to their requirements.
i lost my last job because of depression, at the end it got so bad i would just go to sleep and unconsciously do everything wrong, even the stuff i knew how to do right. i hated it, it was like the definition of sisyphean, same kind of work every day with nothing to show for it that made me feel like what i did mattered.
so, yeah, i had many reasons to hate the old job, which is what i'm telling myself as a reminder that the new one will be different.
another part of me, though, is terrified that i'm just unable to hold a full time job. i got through uni just fine, because i never had trouble learning or picking stuff up fast, even when i hadn't studied at all, but problem is i was lucky enough to be able to not study and still do well on exams, and for jobs you have to work those XX hours a week, and i'm scared that it'll drain me and i'll end up screwing up again.
on the other side, new job means i'll be able to afford things i haven't in a while. i wanted to get an ipad, and i should start saving up for a new place too, since my contract ends at the end of the year, and i want to live closer to the city. another good thing is also that it's actually only a 1 year contract for now, meaning that if it isn't my thing, i won't have to continue after, and i'll have a good reason for only being there for that little when i apply for new jobs.
also there's a lot of different tasks, so i can try out lots of things and find out what i do want to work with as well.
right now i'm terrified, but writing things out, i believe there's definitely more positives than negatives. i also think, since i have become such a homebody, that it's really good that i have to leave my home more again now. and hopefully i'll get better at prioritising in my free time and do the things i really love.
ah.. regarding idk.. fannish life? i've been taking a break from my main fandom since it was making me upset and frustrated, and i've been enjoying myself just reading webtoons! i found one i really really like and others i enjoyed a lot as well! i might make some rec lists, i think that'd be fun considering how many i've read now haha