ruico

there was another one 2 days ago but ive been too busy with something else to write it down even though i spent the whole day thinking abt it lol and it made me appreciate enemies to lovers so much more in a diff way


anyway. for this dream, it was kind of weird, i was playing with friends and telling them about the new twilight book, and i told them that smeyer was gonna write two books from edwards POV. i also had some sort of mobile visual novel style game but like, super anime inspired lol, like there was a girl who was basically supposed to be nico yazawa from love live except i mean not really but that character archetype, idol wannabe with ponytails and such.

the plot of the game was really just that you were bella from twilight? but at a creepy school where you met w a group of girls, the anime girls, supposed to be her hs 'friends' but obvs very different from the actual twilight ppl. basically you just had to come there and chill on the roof and they'd all talk abt their problems and days, and it was kinda really cute? except the nico girl had an evil twin who tried to take over for her or smth, and the whole point of the game was just that you had to anwer correctly to like the dialogue options, and there was only one right answer

i was both playing the game and 'experiencing' the talks like for real, and at some point a security guard came up and asked us wtf we were doing on the roof and i saw that he was playing the game on the phone so i was like!!! wait lets talk somewhere

ofc, as most dreams go, it got kinda weird and suddenly i was at this weird office where someone was trying to kill me, and i had traveled back in time to the 90s? and we were in a neighbouring country so not speaking my language but i speak that language too so i understood what they said, but then i met a young woman on an escalator and i realised!! it was our future prime minister so i was like aim high girl! you can do whatever you set your mind to and she just looked at me like.. ok. at the bottom of the escalator there was like a seven eleven style store w just snacks and such but i didn't have any money so i didn't buy anything. i just wanted to find the security guard who also played the game so i could come back to the game which was supposed to be my reality. thats where it ended i think

BEACH HOUSE SHENANIGANS!

i was visiting a good old friend, not a real one i think, she seemed to be like the type who'd be an 'influencer' but like the kind whos vegan and like 7 years ago when most sponsorships were like swimsuit brands. and like an australian blonde skinny girl, except she was american. we were in her beach house, she said it was in florida. it didn't really feel like florida, not that ive ever been there, but yeah. it was nice is all i know. almost barbie like. i asked if she lived there all year and she was like duh, im from north carolina. she only went here w her family in summer and had invited me + other friends many summers over the years to have some company in this big luxurious house. i remember there being like 4 other girls that were her friends, i didnt know them but we got to know each other and became friends when playing in the water.
there was only like a tiny beach, kind of like the secret one in acnh, and next to it were cliffs too, and we sat on one and enjoyed the sun after playing with some dolphins. i wasnt super scared when doing that, but out of habit, since i have some anxiety lol, i was watching the water and any bigger shadows. i saw 2 that looked sorta like dolphins, but their back fins were bigger, almost sharper.. i said "dolphins" out loud just as i realised they weren't -- they were killer whales (well, orcas, but in my dream i thought killer whales bc that sounds scarier and that's what i had just read the night before irl in a dnd book about monster stats). one of them rolled onto the beach and the other swam up close to the cliff we were on, as if threatening us. i was like UHHH FUCK and moved towards the house entrance and my friend grabbed my arm and told me we had to stand still. out of anxiety i just went NOPE and ran towards the house and got there safely. a few seconds after, the rest of the girls joined. also, that thing happened where the skies instantly turned grey when danger happened LOL so suddenly it was all gloomy. she was kind of mad at me and i got really upset and mad at her too.

i dont remember much but we had a fight, and a kind of serious one, not just about the orcas lol, but enough for me to seriously want to go home. i first went to the guest room just to cool down, the room where me and the other visiting friends slept. 
it wasn't as luxurious as the rest of the house. the beds were taking up most of the rooms, all single beds separated by thin walls and then curtains covering them. there was also a small bathroom for us to share, though, and table with a mirror, all furniture was pretty simple and wooden, kind of ugly compared to the rest of the house, but it was still nice being there.
i had become friends w the other girls visiting too, like the kind of closeness you can only feel after having spent every waking moment for days with complete strangers, like we had gotten very close it felt, but we also knew so little about each other.

i went to my bed to cool down but was too upset,  so i sat up and pulled aside the curtain to the friend next to me who was napping, about to complain about my friend, the host, when i noticed the letter in her arms that she hadn't opened yet. it said "happy birthday" from her, and i realised i couldn't complain abt this girl who was actually long time friends w all of us to a girl who i had only known for a few days. if she had done the same to me, i would've taken my friend's side as well.
i told her happy birthday, not knowing it was her bday, and she smiled, picking up the letter and reading it. i read a bit over her shoulder, realising my friend had been a really nice and thoughtful friend to her, so i obviously couldn't talk about her to this girl. the reminder that my friend was actually a really sweet girl also just made me feel more upset.

idk, there was probably also clearly something more going on, she and i had fought and it seemed like more than just a friendship thing? but something neither of us were brave enough to get into. something more had been budding for a while and while we both knew it, it actually never got to a romance state, both of us being too stubborn and scared. i think she felt like she had to live up to the expectations of her, being a classic 'perfect' girl, and i felt like i was from a completely different world, especially when visiting her in these surroundings. like i came from a boring rainy country no one cared about, and while this wasn't actually her world, it still felt like it.

anyway, i decided i was going to go home, and, still offended she agreed, ordering to bring me to the airport. it was a tiny coastal town, so the airport was little and shitty, adn i got on the small plane, only for it to crash, or at least for me to fall out while we were still taking off. i honestly dont remember how it happened, this being a dream and all, but i ended up falling in the water, terrified again, bc deep open water... my fear lol. but realising the coast was pretty close, i only had to swim like 200 meters, so it wasnt a big deal and nothing happened lol. 

i came back to dry land and it was baically this coastal gravel road, with water on one side and houses on the other. not just houses, they were like farms. or like horse places clearly, like hers too she had a riding ground in front of her house too behind the outer walls

anyway the one at the end of the road was like. kind of run down and seemed abandoned, despite there still being horses outside. very unlike the fancier ones next to it
i decided to go in and check, also bc i was worried for the horses. i opened one of the two doors in the wide double door gate into the main hall ish which was a stable? and asked out loud if anyone was there. i just saw a few horses in their boxes, all seeming p happy to have human company again.
what i hadn't noticed because of the complete lack of light in the room except the little daylight coming in from old dusty windows and the door slightly agape from where i had entered was the ...... SKELETAL T-REX STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. when i turned around to the side and noticed it, i somehow managed not to scream or make any sudden movements, unlike when the orcas had been there. i slowly walked backwards out the door, and managed to close it behind me -- but the second i tried to lock it, the skeletal t-rex pressed its nose against the door to keep it open, and i yelped, fearing that it would escape with me and eat me or go wild in the town next to me where my good friend also lived (i still cared even though i was upset).

somehow, i managed to get the gates closed again behind me, but when i turned around, a fully saddled horse was standing there next to me, a light reddish colour that made it look almost pinkish. i stared at it for a moment and petted it when it came over, curious, but i had no clue how it had arrived without me noticing. i tried telling it to go back to where it came from, but, being a horse, it just kinda stood there and looked at me, not understanding. i turned around to figure out what to do, knowing i couldn't ignore it, but i also couldn't go back to the stables with the skeletal t-rex. the other horses were safe bc they were in their respective boxes, but this one? i looked behind the buildings to the paddocks, all kind of sad and muddy with barely any grass, just a big tub of water in the middle and some trees here and there. i didn't see an opening to it either, and all the other buildings looked kinda like they were falling apart. not knowing what to do, i took off the bridle, gesturing for the horse to leave. once again, it just sort of blinked at me before nuzzling my hand (yes... very soft...)

in the end i decided to take it with me. i dont remmeber putting the bridle back on, but i grabbed the rein and started walking next to it, when suddenly!! A TOWN GUARD appeared. so, these had been there when i went to the airport too and when i was visiting my friend earlier. they were like, fully armored knights, even though we were supposed to be in the 21st century, but no one really commented on it. they were also definitely not good people, kind of corrupt etc. i managed to make him go away after being questioned a bit and continued down the gravel road towards my friend's house, not sure of my plan. i guess i could put the horse in her stables and make amends with her?

the dream actually ended with me reaching the gates to her place, and she was out riding her own horse on the riding ground in full show gear, but no helmet. we couldn't have anything covering her face as she saw me walk towards the gates with that random (but very beautiful) horse, still clearly upset about our fight from earlier but also relief to see me again.

AND ... then i woke up. had some iced coffee, thought abt the dream and played some mobile games. the dream was weird, particularly w this girl being like p much taken from an 'ideal girl' from a long gone time in my life, but the friendship since childhood and even the budding friendship w the other girls, it all felt oddly real and i almost feel like i miss this person that was never in my life (or existed in the first place)

the skeletal t-rex was kinda cool too, and my new horse companion. idk what i would've named him

recently, i fell over a webtoon about teenagers in love, and while it was really cute, it quickly made me feel very, very hopeless. this feels sort of embarrassing to even write out, and it's not something i have an easy time talking about either, but i think that's the norm anyway. we all try to avoid talking about the things that make us feel ashamed, or not good enough.

i think particularly for queer and lgbt people, it's normal to feel like your youth or teen years don't really match up with what society tells us its supposed to be like. many of us don't experience our many "firsts" until years after people normally do, or the people in the movies at least. and with the effect of social media, i don't even think you need to be lgbt to feel behind compared to the rest of the world as a young adult, not with how everyone is constantly showing us all of their victories and carefully curated parts of their lives, leaving out their own failures and doubts, making us think there must be something wrong with us in particular.

Social media got 23 year olds thinking they already failed in life 🤦🏽‍♂️... your life just starting fr

— cs_king (@citystarking_) July 18, 2020

I fell over this tweet a few days ago too, and, being 23 myself, it made me laugh a little. it also made me feel less alone about feelign completely and utterly hopeless and behind on most areas in life. just recently, i went to a high school class reunion, and i was the only one with a masters degree already, which isn't really a surprise. part of me felt like i had wasted time just rushing through school, with little to no experience with working, living by myself, romantic partners, and having traveled less than most of my ex-classmates despite that being one of my main interests. on the other hand, i got told several times that night that i was the grown up and that they felt behind.

life, of course, isn't some competition or weird game where you can level up and become a proper adult when you've cleared a list of tasks (partner✓, move out✓, degree✓, full time job✓, etc). and what works for others might not work for you, either, so comparing ourselves to everyone else, or the little vignettes of their lives they willingly share with us, doesn't really make any sense.

something else i saw on the day i read the webtoon and my reading-induced hopelessness was at its highest was a question my old friend answered on her instagram story (she's become instagram famous these last few years and have a lot of young fans) about being so successful in life as a young adult. her answer was that she actually felt like some sort of alien who wasn't good at all at being human, that she felt too much and got upset all of the time. now, this girl, whom i used to be very close to, is an influencer as her main source of income and earns much more than i do, is known for being rich and maybe a bit airheaded, and doing pretty much nothing but traveling, eating out and looking cute with her boyfriend. i'm not trying to make any statement about how easy her life it, but rather about how she does seem to have "made it" according to a lot of people, or at least live a pretty comfortable life with the ability to pursue whatever dreams she has (like the webshop she opened). even when i was close to her, i always thought she seemed like the kind of person who just walked through life with very few obstacles due to her sweet and easygoing nature, so it did surprise me a bit, but it also made me, once again, feel much less alone and much more like feeling lost is more the norm than the exception to the rule for young adults.


i think, despite how we would all like to come off to others as having it all figured out, or at least on our way towards our long-term goals (do i even have those? i'm still not sure i'm going to make it to 25), most of us are just trying to do our best. and with how the world is doing right now, that's all we can ask for. 

ugh, this post took a turn in the wrong direction, maybe because i've been unemployed for like 3 weeks now and i'm not enjoying it, or because even now i'm still way too embarrassed to admit the fact that i just wanted to vent out my frustrations about my insecurities over my complete lack of a love life. i don't even want a relationship right now, i'm not really ready to be a good partner myself, and i'm not in a place where i could fully reap the benefits of having one either, so why do i feel like i'm missing out?

and, god i know i sound like somewhat of a loser, but reading romantic stories and hearing about friends' relationships are two completely separate things, too. i'm not missing a real life relationship, i'm feeling 'FOMO' over those dramatic and passionate and highly unrealistic relationships in fictional works. idk, the other night i also had a dream where i fought and then romanced a dragon. kinda hard to find one of those in real life too.

for now i'm just trying to enjoy the journey and not stress so much about where i'm going. i have a few goals, like maybe getting a job as soon as possible, and moving to a more central area. i'm doing my best to start writing again, and while i don't have much to show for it, i feel like i'm finally getting somewhere with it.

so what was the point of this entry? yes, i wanted to complain about reading tropey love stories and feel like my real life didn't live up to that. then a little detour into what most of us are definitely experiencing with comparing ourselves to everyone around us and on social media supposedly living their best lives. then just me being frustrated with life not being like the stories i read and think up as well. i guess that's why my friend's words comforted me so much, like a reminder that it might not be that strange to feel a little bit like an alien, like someone who doesn't know how to live life on earth, because it feels a bit wrong, or maybe it's just me who doesn't fit in.

but if so many others feel the same way, then maybe there isn't as much wrong with me as i thought.

i lived in a forest in smth that was supposed to be like the US i think, just far enough away from my dream NYC to have to fly there, i was in a one story wooden house with a non-related family member who wanted to help me find a place to live, just like im looking for one irl. we first talked while i was watching him play his ps2 until he was like ok, lets go and we went out to the car.

we drove past the red gate clearing near the forest close to my irl home but it was still in this same forest so not here. there was a tiny wooden cottage, im not sure if he was expecting me to move in there, but when i went inside i realised it was haunted. there were like 5 or 6 ghost children playing around in there and i couldnt just take their home. going outside to tell him, i met a woman, also a ghost, and the mother of the children. she told me i had to go find her husband, who moved to my dream version of new york back in the day. not sure, must have been 40s-60s. i already instantly knew he was murdered, but i knew i needed proof to give her peace so i said okay and agreed to going there to find out what had happened to him.

so i went there with just a suitcase and it was in the 00s for some reason. maybe even a few years before, not that i remember international travel before y2k or 9/11 buttt. point is it was like. idk older and kinda bleek. i went to a place where i was supposed to get a clue, which was an old japanese dojo, so i went in through the main training room btu there were also 2 other smaller rooms in the back building. and in there i found something important. i wasnt sure what it was or why, but i knew it was important, and not much later, a group of men came looking for me, so i had to run, and they ran after me, supposedly after what i had found or to keep me silent about it. i wasn't sure if they were after it or simply out to protect the secret, just that they didn't want anything good for me.

anyway now's where it gets stupid. i was running from these men and ther was a crowd! and then! * was there! and saw me running and i was like "help!" but i obviously couldnt stop so i ran into this alley that led to like a small yard with drying racks and such, and there was a small elevated like, rock thing? barely higher than a bench. but i tried to hide behind it, and instead of the perpetrators, * came and saw me and was like wow thats a shitty hiding spot. so he took off his jacket and put it on my shoulders bc i was just wearing a dress. he also got closer and tried to tie up my hair and hide it udner a beanie, no clue where he got that from, but suddenly he like pushed me up against the stone wall and i was like "wha--" only to realise it was bc one of the men came to see if i was there. so he pressed his forehead against mine, very movie-like and acted like he was abt to kiss me nd i remember being like oh shit do i have morning breath why are we so close and the back of my head hurt a bit from being pushed up against the stone, anyway we waited a few seconds until the guard left, and then i woke up.

* = a kpop boy. not one im a fan of or know much about but i think hes attractive LMAO and my brain is starved

___


i hadn't thought of sharing dream stuff on here until recently, but my friend encouraged me to start writing dreams down again after having had some interesting ones recently. i mean, this one isn't much, but i enjoy mystery and attractive people, so i'll take it. i wanted to write one of my dreams into a story, actually considered it with two, but its clearly not going to happen w more than one if even that, and so much gets lost in translation when you have to make it make sense, so just being able to write things as they were is interesting too, bc i think a part of the charm of dreams is "well and then smth completely unrelated and weird happened for no reason" 

 my last public post is from jan this year. that's not including all the drafts i wrote out and deleted before posting, or the posts i did publish on private and/or deleted shortly after. much like the state of my dw, i also haven't been able to write much either in general. i've been busy with university (so i guess i have been writing in a way), and at this point i think all of us have been going through a lot this year, so i don't even need to get into any personal matters.

My biggest uni project is coming to an end, though, and recently i've refound my passion for reading, at least within a particular genre and type of work. i'm really hoping to branch out again when i have more time for myself, and i'm really hoping to finally get back into writing again.
i've had a lot of ideas and thoughts abt it recently, so hopefully i'll be able to get started again soon!

something that has cheered me up this year when i felt like i had lost the spark permanently was:


it's a quote i remembered when talking to a friend, and it really helped me calm down and stop beating myself up about not writing all of the time. 

there's also another thing i wanted to talk about regarding writing and creating in times like these (when it feels like the whole world is on fire), but i'll save that for another time.

for now, i will do my best to finish what i'm currently going through, since i'm finally near the finish line, and i'll forgive myself for not being able to do all the other things i've wanted to until then. i'm ready to move on and start anew.

First off, I'm a major procrastinator. I struggle a lot with discipline, motivation, and in general just sitting down and doing one thing (particularly work-related) for a long period of time. I'm the kind of person who got through high school by writing every single essay the night before (or in the break before the class I had to hand it in), and in university, this translated mostly into me being pretty much unable to open the book for any course until a week before my exams.
Last few years, it's somehow gotten even worse -- stuff like sitting down and watching a movie or, you know, writing, has become increasingly harder for me, as I have a lot of trouble just... focusing on one thing, or sitting down and doing that one thing. I guess I'm not completely lost once I've gotten into the proper mindset, but getting started is incredibly hard to me, and I don't remember the last time I watched a movie or an episode of a tv-show or something without sitting and doing a sudoku or playing solitaire on my phone at the same time. When I visited a friend, she would constantly comment on the fact that I am literally not able to sit still for more than a few seconds.

This entry was inspired by many things. Like I mentioned in my last entry, I want to start journaling again, as I believe it's not only a good way of organising (whether that's your thoughts, by planning out your day, or something else) and a good destresser. Like meditating. Journaling forces you to sit down and do one thing for a while, and while it keeps both your mind and hands busy, it's not a super daunting or demanding task either. One of the main reasons I wanted to start journaling was because I wanted to have a time and space in my life where I just had to sit down and do nothing. Journaling can be a form of nothing -- doodling, thinking about your day, or something completely different.

A problem I've recently run into is the fact that I spend a lot of time not doing anything, but I'm also not really doing nothing. I get increasingly restless, start scrolling my twitter feed without being able to make out the meaning of the words before me, I want to play a game but I don't know which one, I want to start a show but the idea of watching 12 episodes just seems like too much. A lot of the time I end up lying in bed filling out a sudoku or sitting on my computer, scrolling through different feeds of social media.

By setting time aside for journaling, I hope to spend this time completely engaged in one particular thing, but a thing that doesn't really demand anything more of me than what I have to give at the time. 

The thing that really made me decide to dedicate an entire post about this thought was this article, in which the author explains a piece of advice we've all probably heard before in different versions. That sometimes, the best thing we can do for our writing is to not write, but instead just let ourselves... not write. Instead, we should soak in life, watch movies, read other stories, experience whatever is going on in our lives fully and embrace all the things we were too busy to face while we were writing. Because these things will make us better writers in the end.

 
I remember finding this manga at a time where I was having trouble with even keeping up with one-chapter updates on a weekly basis, where I was avoiding pretty much anything that needed my attention for more than a few minutes at a time. The chapters were short and easy, and only had around 15 at the time. 

The story is called I Reincarnated into an Otome Game as a Villainess With Only Destruction Flags (or, oas n bookdepository, the official translation is titled My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! - a little bit shorter!), and as you can guess from the length of the title, that pretty much explains it. A young girl from modern Japan dies and is reincarnated into a character in the otome game she was playing before she died, but the character she played happens to be the villain. She is first reincarnated as an 8 year old kid, so it starts out really cute, but honestly, even when they grow older (they start magic school at 15), the mood of the manga is really sweet and adorable.

( (click to read a bit more!) )

Since the manga is not yet finished, I also read the (fantranslated) light novels and I enjoyed those as well, but I definitely prefer the manga. Also, there's an anime coming up, and I can't wait! I hope you'll give it a try if it sounds like something you'd enjoy.
I want to recommend a few other things that have helped me when I was really down and needed something to distract me or just cheer me up, so I added the tag 'comfort soup' for this!

I've made (most of) my previous posts private because I'm feeling... idk. I am struggling with words lately. Of course, I'm struggling with a lot of other things, probably a big reason as to why I'm struggling with my words, but I think (hope) that I am at least going somewhere with what I'm doing.
I want to be okay with my online presence.
Identity problems aren't really anything new for me, and I keep thinking "I just have to do this or that and it'll be fixed!" but it's rarely that simple. In general, I've actually been really bad at sticking to a choice or taking a big leap, keeping it safe most of the time and therefore never really making any meaningful change. Well, recently a lot of things have happened and I've made a lot of choices that I normally would've never been brave enough to. I've always been terrified of regretting doing things, but I'm very tired of regretting doing nothing.

I am writing this post after realising that a choice I've made is now permanent and that I am probably kind of sad about it, even though it probably won't make much of a difference anyway. I also made another choice earlier today -- replying to a tweet on my public twitter that I almost forgot existed -- and while I'm not sure it was the right one or how comfortable I feel about it, I realised that... it really wasn't that big of a deal. Life goes on. And that can be a good thing too. I can't avoid people forming their own opinions about me that don't align perfectly with my own perception, and that's both a comfort and a nightmare. I saw this tweet earlier today and had a good laugh, because it puts my discomfort into words (in a humorous way too). I think my mind has reached a conclusion a la 'Life sucks, now what can we do about it?' and it feels like a call to action.
Anyway, yeah, I want to be on here more often and be comfortable with it too without second-guessing every word. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it, but I'm excited. 

I don't really read a lot of manga. I got into animanga fandoms pretty late (when I was 19), and even then, I rarely branched out and read a lot of different series, mostly keeping to the ones I was/am a fan of. Koi to Uso is far from any of the animanga fandoms I've been near before, and the only reason I learned about it is because a friend of mine randomly recced it because she was inspired by the vague idea for a fic. At the time she called it a shoujo, and I decided to give it a go.
It really wasn't long before I realised I had a few issues with it. First of all, it was clear from pretty mcuh chapter 1 that it isn't shoujo, but shounen. The style might give off some shoujo vibes, but the titty shots and ass strutting in weird angles whenever there was a chance gave me a lot more 'male gaze' vibes than shoujo ones.
Ironically, the friend who recommended me the fic actually no longer reads it -- she gave up despite her love for a certain character and because of her frustration regarding... certain other characters.
I'm still on the fence about it, partly why I wanted to make this post. I've wanted to talk about it for a while, and figured it'd be fitting considering the fact that Lili-chan is currently the only icon I have uploaded on here and also a character I really love.

The story is centered around Nejima Yukari, a young boy living in a near-future version of Japan, where the government assigns compatible partners to try and fix the country's declining birth rate (we've heard this one before, haven't we?). Nejima has always been in love with a girl from his class, Takasaki Misaki, and on the night before his 16th birthday (the day he's supposed to receive his government notice), he confesses to her, only to find out that she actually likes him back. Things happen and his government notice arrives, pairing him up with another girl, Sanada Lilina, who is very fascinated with love and wants Nisaka and Misaki to experience freely, partly so that she can also learn about it. The manga mainly explores the dynamic between the three (sometimes also Nejima's best friend, Nisaka) and how the government initiative affects them.

( don't mind some (light) spoilers? )

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts.

See, the "afraid to ask for" part gets me, because I am by nature very, very afraid, and I don't know how to turn that fear off or make it go away, not even for this challenge. ლ(´﹏`ლ) I'm really, really bad at asking things of people, not in the cutesy way but a way that holds me back in a lot of situations AND annoys a lot of people I talk to, since its not rare that it's clear I want something but have trouble articulating what it is.
Still! It's 2019, some people are going to dislike me no matter what I do, so I'll try my best!

A collaboration
This is a small dream of mine because despite my usual dislike of school group work I do like working and collaborating with others! I once had someone offer to write a fic with me when we were younger, but it was mostly (only) her ideas and nothing really came out of it in the end. I don't even have any specific needs for a collab, I just like the idea of doing a project with someone, whether that's just discussing the idea closely with a friend/beta-kind-of-person, or it's a fanartist, another writer, I'm not really sure. I think different mediums is really cool as well.

Cross-fandom fans of my works
Since it's not long ago that I started writing in English and my only posted works are for a microfandom and an animanga fandom (only one ship too), this has not happened and probably will not happen anytime soon, if ever. Still, I like the idea of someone reading my works for another fandom even though they aren't a fan of that thing just because it's me, or someone reading something and recognising my writing from something they've read (by me) in another fandom. (´꒳`)

For ao3 to include main and secondary pairings
I'm sorry, I know this is probably cheating, haha, but this one I've wanted for so long (along with many others). I do like the ao3 tagging system, but I really want this to be added as well. Also, for people using ao3 to know the difference between & and / when tagging pairings and follow it, hehe.

I saw others mention a transformative works statement and I really like that idea! I'll definitely make sure to post one before I post any fanworks myself on here in the future. ^^'
I had more ideas for things but those were more general than specific for me. But tomorrow is exam time, so no time o write down any more. Don't ask me why I decided on writing this instead of studying for the exam in the first place, because there is no good answer.